


The whole that needed filling.

by Owlsaidwho



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andrew Minyard Has Feelings, M/M, Older Andrew Minyard, POV Andrew Minyard, Soft Andrew Minyard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:09:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29832348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Owlsaidwho/pseuds/Owlsaidwho
Summary: Andrew wished that everyone was right about death, that it left a big gaping whole in your chest that could never be filled. But Andrew had always reacted the wrong way to things, and nothing had changed. He still got up in the mornings to feed the cats, he still used the bookmarks that were gifted to him for his birthday. Nothing changed.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 4
Kudos: 64





	The whole that needed filling.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, this is my first writing piece so constructive criticism would be appreciated. Hope you enjoy!

Andrew wished that everyone was right about death, that it left a big gaping whole in your chest that could never be filled. But Andrew had always reacted the wrong way to things, and nothing had changed. He still got up in the mornings to feed the cats, he still used the bookmarks that were gifted to him for his birthday. Nothing changed.

And for all Andrew hoped, he could never forget that there was a gaping whole left in the mattress. That an exy game wouldn’t be on in the morning when he woke up. There would be no one ready for his nightmares, his lashing out, even his occasional happiness. The hope that filled the spot left after Neil’s death, was dangerous and disquieting, and Andrew couldn’t care enough to hate it.

One thing had changed though, when he used to take up residence under the couch to read, he now goes to the graveyard. Because for all Andrew didn’t believe in an afterlife, the chance of there being one, and his partner being alone, will always override his dignity.

Neil’s brown leather messenger bag is thrown across his shoulder. It was a gift from Dan in the year following the great blowout, and since then patches and buttons have taken up space. To the point where almost none of the original bag could be seen. 

Each patch and button held a different memory, ones Andrew could never forget, Neil In his old age, had not been so lucky. Fragments were lost on him, sometimes bigger things. Like what year it was, sometimes even Andrew’s name. On the week leading up to his death, it had been a particularly bad brain period, and he could barely understand where he was, let alone what someone meant to him. And on his last day, he couldn’t remember anything besides running, continuing to reach for the door, no matter how much it hurt.

He died Nathaniel.

But Andrew honors him as Neil. So In his hand are bright orange tulips, and in his-Neil’s- bag is a copy of Pride and Prejudice, Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, and his reading glasses. Andrew had been warned against sweets, for the fear of it shortening his life span, but- although Andrew had left his suicidal streak back with the spears- he couldn’t find the thought of joining Neil frightening. So he continued to eat whatever he wanted.

When he finally got to the graveyard, it was about 12 am, still dark. 

‘Keeping up your aesthetic, huh? Really pulling up to the graveyard looking all dark and creepy’ Neil would say. His eyes would also light up with a glowing fondness, that reeked of adoration. 

Andrew would push him away, not willing to humor him. Now he can’t help but to think he’d burn the world for that look. And Neil’s bright smile would work just well for a match.

Neil’s headstone was covered in leaves due to the area being shaded by a huge willow. Neil always did burn easily due to his unusually pale skin, but it would always leave behind more freckles than before. More spots for Andrew to trace his fingers, connecting them like constellations.

Right now Andrew gently traced his hands over the stone slab, wiping away all the leaves. Before placing down all his stuff, and laying his back against the willow. 

The tree was harder than the sofa, but it would do for now. He pulled out his book and glasses and began to read. there was not a gaping whole, but a slight difference in the way he was sitting. As usually someone would be there to stretch their legs on his lap, and ask questions about the book, even though they cared little about the actual plot.

For the first time, Andrew finds himself craving touch.

He sat there with that subtle craving till the sun came up, and his back was aching from being on the rough wood. 

Before he left, he placed the tulips upon the grave. And ached. 

‘I love you, you were amazing’

It’s fitting, the use of words. Because ‘I love you’ are words that have never been uttered from Andrew towards Neil, if his memory didn’t fail him. And ‘you were amazing’ were word that came from Neil on the day he thought he was about to die.

Now he is dead, and Andrew’s face seems to be wet. He looks up and sees no clouds, nor rain. 

Andrew was crying.


End file.
